The Community Pregnancy Center
is so blessed to host pregnancy test appointments in the evenings. Last Monday
night, our client advocate sat down with a young woman to ask our procedural
questions before she gave the pregnancy test. This client was an engaged 20 year old, and a mom to one toddler. She lived with her fiancé. They were planning to get married after her
pregnancy, but these plans were not revolving around her current possible
pregnancy. Her story began 2 years before.
After their daughter was born,
the couple conceived again. Surprised by the news, they both chose LIFE for this new baby. They hoped.
They made plans. Just a few weeks later, however, she miscarried. The grief of
the death came just as quickly as the excitement for the LIFE.
They wanted a baby deeply after
their loss, and they were blessed soon after. They conceived! Again, they
hoped. Again, they made plans. The weeks passed, and she reached her second
trimester! “Approximately 1 in 3-4 known pregnancies are lost within the firsttrimester due to miscarriage”,
so when our client reached 13 weeks, she trusted that she was safe from the
pain of that loss. At 17 weeks into her pregnancy, however, she miscarried. For
the second time, they grieved yet another death.
Trying to fill the aching gap in
their hearts, the couple focused on having another baby. They conceived again.
Against their instincts, they both hoped again. They both made plans again.
Surely this was their chance. Surely this pregnancy would carry to term and
erase the pain of the past year. They reached the second trimester seemingly
without a problem. They reached 17 weeks, surpassing the age of the previous
pregnancy. At 20 weeks-halfway through a full-term pregnancy-she suffered
salmonella poisoning, which devastatingly resulted in an early labor. She
delivered a stillborn baby girl.
Now she sat in the Community
Pregnancy Center, scared to even look at her pregnancy test: positive. Of
course, she wanted this baby, but she was terrified. After 2 years full of
loss, she was too scared to hope, too scared to make plans. Those in her family
and those in the church attacked her with accusations:
“How can you take
care of a baby when you can’t even take care of yourself?”
“You’re losing
your babies, because of the sin in your life.”
She
sunk so deep into her grief that she began to believe these hurtful opinions as
truth. She blamed herself for the miscarriages. Maybe this was her fault. Maybe this was a punishment. Maybe God was
mad at her. When asked about God, the client told our client advocate,
“God doesn’t love me, because He gave me my
miscarriages.”
After
sharing with her the hope in Christ and after praying over her, the client
advocate sensed a wall. The client was too insistent on blaming herself that
night after seeing the pregnancy test to accept any stories about God. The
client advocate scheduled the young woman for a limited ultrasound by our
trained technicians for the following Thursday evening.
The
client arrived half an hour early, anxiously waiting to see her baby on the
screen. Finally, the ultrasound technician welcomed the client to her
appointment, and together they saw a perfectly formed 7 week old baby. The
client cried, thankful and fearful at the sight. Two of our ultrasound
technicians then talked with her in our counseling room about moving forward.
The client unloaded the weight of her burden: miscarriage after miscarriage
after miscarriage, hurtful words by others, raising a young daughter through
the pain, and all the while blaming herself for every loss. She sobbed, staring
at her ultrasound’s pictures. Our new ultrasound technician, Claire, spoke
directly to the deeper issue.
“How is your
relationship with God?”
The
client stopped. She knew the answer. She prayed “the prayer” at 13 years old,
but it was a temporary phase. She said that she knew she was sinning by
sleeping with her fiancé and living with him outside of marriage. She knew she
had rejected church. She knew she was lacking something, but when our
technician asked if she wanted to accept God and claim peace, she said, “Not today.”
Knowing
this was a divine opportunity, knowing the devil was keeping this client in
dangerous limbo, our technician, Mikelle, shared her own salvation testimony,
unpacking the Gospel. God’s heart is so fiercely passionate for her that without
hesitation, He sent His own perfect, beloved, sinless Son to die her rightful
death, so that she could freely run to Him. She didn’t have to hold her own
burden. She didn’t have to accept loss as her fault. She didn’t have to blame herself
for 3 miscarriages. The world is so broken and fallen, but God’s grace will
always reach mountains and valleys and oceans farther. Hurtful words are still
said, but His promises speak louder. Tears still fall, but His love rises
higher. Miscarriages are still suffered,
but His hope is and will always be offered with arms wide open.
Our
ultrasound technician explained that this peace-this consuming, lasting
peace-is available. This client didn’t have to live in her sin, live in her
fear, and live in her self-declared guilt. She could accept Christ Jesus as her
permanent Savior and run straight into the life He’s planned especially for
her.
“I would like to do that!”
The
client humbly prayed to her Creator, the relentless Lover of her soul, and claimed
salvation! Her entire countenance lifted. A calmness filled her. She left with
hope, because Christ-the Prince of Peace Himself-still reigns!
“I
have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.
But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33
